Bezos' Mech Suit Defeats Unionizing Labor Movement
Following whistleblowers addressing unethical working conditions at many of Amazon's fulfillment centers labor organizers made a push to unionize their power. An anonymous employee commented, "We really wanted to consolidate our voice and have a seat at the table regarding our own well being." However, this morning we have learned of events that unfolded overnight to fight off the collective labor push. "It was like something out of Transformers! I'm so lucky to be alive!" sobbed a witness at the scene. It appears that Jeff Bezos manned a mech suit and went to battle against Amazon's labor force. It's currently unknown if any labor organizers were injured or killed but we do have a clear statement from Amazon's workers that they will no longer be perusing a union. Bezos was seen staking a large flag emblazoned with a dollar sign on top of a fulfillment center as he exited his mech suit. He could not be reached for comment at the time of the story.
Harold Daily - April, 9 2021
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